Date Written: January 5th, 2008.

I am Angie and I was born breech in 1973 to a mother who's first language was not English. She didn't know the right terms to explain how sick I was to the doc and the doc was not a Pediatrician. It wasn't discovered til I was 9 years old with a blood pressure of 230/180 that I was in Kidney Disease that by then could not be reversed. I would end up on dialysis. I accepted things a lot easier than everyone around me as I had lived this and never knew what normal energy all children have was like. You don't miss something you never had. Maybe that made it easier on me. Who knows. I didn't really have any friends but did know kids on my street and in school. I hated recess and preferred to stay inside. Other kids made fun of me a lot, pushed me into the mud, and beat me up after school every day. I was very weak, and lethargic. I also puked a lot. Even the teachers just thought I was lazy and a bad kid who didn't pay attention. I would fall asleep in class. I had a hard time paying attention in school. Even my parents had a hard time understanding me and thought I was a bad kid. It was really hard on my self esteem as I really believed something was wrong with me and that I was not good enough. That still plagues me to this day. I always need everyone's acceptance .. even if they are jerks who don't deserve mine. I can't stand for people to hate me or to ban me from their lives or forums lol!

When I was 16 I finally went on dialysis. I did Peritoneal Dialysis. I was lucky as even though my blood type is O+ I only waited 2 months before I got the call from the hospital saying they had a cadaver kidney for me. A 21 year old man died in a motorcycle accident. It worked right away on the operating table. The nurses in the children's hospital ran down the hall yelling "she peed! SHE PEED!" Normally this would be embarrassing but with kidney disease everyone talks about your peeing habits .. lol. For the first year however there were ups and downs. Since I had a Nephrectomy (removal of kidney) at the same time as my transplant and just had my other kidney removed only 2 months earlier, that made it very hard to sit up and cough so I ended up with my first bout of Pneumonia. I became very sick.

I found the transplant harder than the dialysis as I accepted the dialysis really easily even though I HATED doing dialysis exchanges 4 times a day every day!! I didn't have the energy to want to keep doing that! But after the transplant the medication made me hairy and fat and pimply and what teenaged girl wants to look like that??

I was devastated and stopped my meds a few times. Also my parents didn't know how to adjust to my change in energy and me going out and making friends and joining a band so my mom kicked me out of the house by the time I was 18. Since she had done this soon after she took me off disability (she didn't want to accept disability as she saw it as a handout and my dad had good work coverage and my mom planned on taking care of me my whole life .. the kicking me out was not planned) I had no coverage. So again I was without medication. I took a loan after 4 years and went to college and got temporary coverage through my dad as I could as long as I was in school and under the age of 25. That lasted 3 years and I took my meds that whole time. I was also working during the summer and then once done college I continued to work for a total of 9 years til I lost my transplant in 2001. Considering the circumstances it is really amazing mine lasted that long.

The whole time with that transplant I concentrated on just living a normal life and was negligent of my health as I just wanted to pretend I never had kidney disease. I didn't even tell hardly any of my friends about it so when I went into rejection some of them were like, "You have failing kidneys?" (Umm.. no I have one .. it isn't even mine .. I got it from someone who died back in 1990) "WHAT?!?! What happened to your original kidneys!!?!?!" Yeah .. that was fun.

Once the transplant failed I could not work the 12 hr shifts of my 9 year job and it was just as I got the promotion I was working so hard toward and finally got accepted for! I was devastated and felt like everything I had worked so hard toward was swirling down a drain! I got so very depressed feeling like anything I would work toward with any transplant would not be worth it as it was not enough time to get ahead!

I went back on PD and this time I accepted doing it 4 times a day. It wasn't so bad and I adapted very well to it.

It was even better when I could free up every day by doing the Cycler at night! After I got the PD tube in my belly I went to work too soon and got Umbilical hernia. So after being off for 6 weeks and then going back I had to be off again for some time to heal again after a hernia repair surgery. Then the next year I got surgery on my neck to have my parathyroids taken out. Then 2 years after that I got Peritonitis and had to be hospitalized for 6 weeks as I was in so much pain. I didn't realize I had an infection as with the cycler doing night time exchanges the dwells weren't 6 hrs long as the manual exchanges done 4 times a day so there wasn't any fibrin in the dialysate or whatever the solution is called. I was in pain for a month and it got so bad that I went from 140 lbs down to 115lbs in one month. Later on I lost half my hair as it takes a bit for the hair to show the side effects of things wrong in the body. I was malnourished. I was in too much pain to eat so I wasn't eating enough to nourish myself. After testing was done I was told it was not my fault but it was caused by something naturally occurring in my body. I had to switch to hemo.

I had no choice about hemo. I was so out of it on so much pain medication that I was not even aware of anything and just glad when the pain stopped. I went into surgery a few times and this was during a time when my mom wasn't talking to me for a year and a half so I felt all alone. After I had a couple surgeries (I know one was to clean out the peritoneum and another was to put in the permcath in my chest and take the PD tube out of my belly .. I am not exactly sure when what was done and all..) I guess someone told my mom that I might not live so she actually finally came to visit me. I found out later that she didn't want to but my brother made her feel guilty saying, "What if she dies and you never went to see your only daughter??" My mom and I have a better relationship now and I am glad she is in my life. She may not be perfect but there is nothing better than having your mother around when you are sick!

I was scared to start Hemo. I never was on it before and the cramps I saw the "Kidney Kids" at "Kidney Kamp" go through scared me. I was not even aware about the needles til I started and realized! I was glad I had my PermCath. I had it for over a year as the first AV Fistula failed after only 10 days and never got used. They were worried I would get an infection in the PermCath because I got the one in my Peritoneum but I never got any infection in all that time. But they did get the 2nd fistula working even though it was very wobbly. My fiance has been a great support of what I have gone through even though he has only been in my life since 2006.

I was on Hemo Dialysis in clinic for 2 years, making my wait for a transplant 6 years in total before I got the call that a Cadaver Kidney was ready for me. This time it was from a 60 year old man. This kidney however did NOT work right away as my blood pressure dropped dangerously low and the kidney was deprived of Oxygen carrying Blood. The tubules in the kidney died and the kidney was scarred and inflamed from this. I had to still do dialysis but they wanted to hold off on it. I was 22 kg (over 45lbs up) on fluid before they finally gave in and did dialysis. They wanted me to walk around and I couldn't even lift my legs. Once they gave me dialysis the nurse I had was amazed to learn that I wasn't a bad patient but really was too heavy. I hate when medical staff judge you and don't listen to you!!!! I had to do dialysis for awhile as the kidney didn't start working for 7 weeks! Usually with Acute Tubular Necrosis the kidney will start to work in 4 to 6 weeks. The docs were starting to give up on me and I was like, "DON'T GIVE UP ON ME BEFORE I HAVE EVEN GIVEN UP!!!" A great strength were the visits from Jessie and his father Richard "Jester" St. Amour. Jessie had his transplant in 2007 as well.

I remember dialysis made me feel worse than before when I had no transplant. I felt that I didn't need dialysis 3 times a week and wanted to go just twice a week. I asked for Monday and Friday but they didn't seem to listen to me. I was going to the transplant hospital 2 hrs away twice a week Monday and Thursday, and I had dialysis Monday Wednesday Friday. My Thursday appointment the Nephrologist asked me if I wanted to skip Friday and come back for Monday clinic to see if the kidney is working yet. I agreed. Well my Creatinine stayed the same so they agreed to keep me off dialysis. I have been off dialysis now for a month and a half. I had my transplant on Sept 30th 2007.

I still don't feel better than dialysis on a whole but my hemoglobin is very low as the kidney is not producing any Erythropoietin as some transplanted kidneys don't. So I have to give myself a needle in my stomach 3 times a week. Actually I just got switched to Aranesp so I am very happy as now that one is done less often so just once a week!!

I figure once my hemoglobin finally goes up then I will hopefully feel better as I remember I did with my first transplant. That one was like night and day! lol

So .. that is my experience in a nut shell!

Date Written: February 12th, 2007.

It has been awhile since I last updated this obviously. My fistula has been working for awhile now and I have started buttonhole on Dec 8th 2006. It took until Jan 31st 2007 to be able to start using blunt needles but that could be because I didn't have the same nurse cannulating me each time. I've had a hard time getting them to take me seriously about my concerns and only recently have I had no problems because I have been getting my favourite nurse Janine who actually listens to me (on angle and technique since I know my arm best). All the other nurses argue with me about how they have been doing this for years.

Oh and on a non-kidney related note, I am engaged since November 6th 2006!!

Not much is going on health wise. I am still on the list but no calls. This is now the 6th years I have been waiting (with the exception of the summer and fall of 2005 where I was temporarily off the waiting list). I have RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome) and it has gotten really bad. Also I have this terrible itching all over my skin but it is not phosphate related as my blood levels have been perfect (except for the occasional low Ionized Calcium and Albumin) for the last 7 months! I guess the toxins in the body can do that. People keep asking me why I don't do home hemo. Well first it is not available yet in my city even though my unit asked if I was interested, and 2nd, I live in a subsidized apartment where I am not allowed to make any alterations to the plumbing! So no chance there. I DO miss Peritoneal Dialysis where I was able to do the Cycler (CCPD) every night and be free every day! I didn't really have to watch my diet or drinks like I do now! I find the drink restrictions (water, iced tea, etc..) the hardest! And I thought staying away from milk was hard enough! The renal diet is definately not something that is easy to adapt to! I am just glad that I am not a diabetic! They have it even worse! At least I can have corn!

Date Written: July 24th, 2006.

Well now I have my fistula. This is my 2nd one since my first one failed after only 10 days. I will make this as breif as possible as no one in their right mind will want to read all the dribble I go on and on about. A fistula is created when they join an artery and a vein together in your arm to create a circular blood flow so that it grows big enough to accommidate the high flow rate needed for the hemo dialysis process. You know it is working by the sound (called the bruit) and the feel (called the thrill). It is good when the AV Fistula grows large but isn't the most attractive. People may ask what why your arm is like that or just stare. But it is not as bad as I thought it would be. But I was really scared about the needles with all the stories I heard on forums like D&T City or IHD. Yes, sometimes things happen but you can't spend your time worried about it. The nurses are prepared for it. But it is also wise to be ontop of your care at all times.

I knew my first one failed when I no longer could feel that vibrating feeling in my arm. I had to get a new one. The surgeon told me my veins are really tiny even though he had said originally that mine were nice and huge. I figured out later why. Because originally he looked at my arm before dialysis but when I had the surgery it was after dialysis. When they pull off a lot of fluid during dialysis it makes your veins smaller. So for the 2nd AV Fistula surgery I asked them to take me off a little on the heavy side. They agreed to take me off at least 1/2 a kg heavy. That seemed to have worked because they are now using my fistula.

They started with just one needle in my arm. A 17 gauge size one and it scared me but wasn't so bad. The only thing I didn't like is I spent $50 on a tube of Emla cream which is 2.5% lidocaine and 2.5% prilocaine to use to numb my arm and they didn't tell me the exact day they would stick me so I was not prepared. So they first time I had the needle put into my Fistula I felt it. IT wasn't much different (for me) than an IV however. Still, I used the cream every time after that. Some people say the cream doesn't work but it does if you have it on for AT LEAST an hour (at 50 min I can still feel it even though it is duller). More than an hour and you can't really feel a thing! BUt that is IF you wrap your arm in Cling Wrap! Some pharmacists tell you that you don't need to but don't go with that. The alcohol content makes it evaporate so use the Cling Wrap!

So they started me with one needle in my arm and one in the permcath in my chest. That seemed to go well. They do that for 3 times. They started on a Wednesday, so by the next Wednesday they started using 2 17 gauge needles. That seemed to work well as well. My machine didn't alarm or anything. Then they did both 15 gauge (yes that is bigger) but wasn't so bad. But the next time when they simply put that rubber band on my arm that they do normally to take blood, the fistula burst a tiny bit on one spot. They said that the good egg was because my fistula still is not mature enough. It has a weak spot. Other patients on one of the forums I frequent have said that maybe the nurse didn't angle it right and might have poked the other side and not realized. After all, they only know what they are trained. But they didn't even poke me I told the other patient. This was only when they put the tourniquet on my arm. So the nurse instead poked the needle in higher up on the arm which seemed to work. But the next dialysis time that they poked me my arm swelled up and bruised real bad.

So they agreed with me when I suggested giving my fistula a break. Good thing I have the permcath still that goes to my heart. It is now Sunday night and it is still very bruised. This was last Wednesday that they were giving me a break and on Friday they continued to do so. I wonder if they will again tomorrow. I wanted to eventually learn the Button-hole technique where they use the same hole over and over again on the fistula but that looks like it might be a ways off right now. A fellow patient that was on my shift used to do it and I asked him about it. He said that anyone with a tendency to get scar tissue should do it. Well that is me. I have loads of scar tissue in my arm already so it just made sense if I did that too. He said he found it easier. I was surprised that he was sticking himself. I thought that it would be scarey to do but he seemed to have no troubles with it. Heck, I had a hard enough time with just sticking myself with the Eprex needles that are as small as diabetic needles given subcutaniously! But I have gotten this far. I know I could do it is I really had to. Plus that way I wouldn't have to worry about nurses who don't know how to stick my very curvey fistula if I did it myself.

If things progress successfully I will get my permcath out and then I will finally be allowed to go swimming! And this summer is hot even though not the hottest we have had! I can't wait to be able to swim again! Maybe it will cheer me up as I have been rather moody lately and don't know why. I have always had bouts of depression but usually it is only noticable during the winter months. But lately ever since I have been dealing more with people on forums I have become more insecure with certian people. I don't know why. I have never liked big crowds but on the net you can't see these people so why does it matter to me so much? I may never know. Oh well..

Anyway, things are going well. If you want to talk to me I have been hanging out in 2 chatrooms lately (I don't usually like chatrooms .. infact I have been known to HATE them .. but these are kidney chatrooms free from perverts so I have given them a try. It is nice to be able to talk to people who have the same health as you). They are D&T City Chatroom and I Hate Dialysis Chatroom.

Date Written: October 4th, 2005.

I was in the hospital for a month this summer with a severe case of Peritonitis and had to be switched to Hemo Dialysis which they recommend I stay on since they can't determine the cause of the infection to the extreme that it was. I do not have a fistula yet but a catheter in my subclavien artery called a PermCath. Through this I hook up 3 times a week in the Self Care Hemo Dialysis Clinic. Sometimes on the weekends I suffer from Fluid Overload and I might have to go to the Hospital Dialysis Unit incase I need some medical attention since Self Care doesn't have as much available. They figured I would do well in Self Care because I am so young compared to most patients. They say they will teach me how to work my machine. Right now I am still new at it so it is a little over-whelming. But so was working my Peritoneal Cycler Machine at home. I will be able to adjust as I have with everything else.

I am a little nervous about getting a fistula eventually as I have bad viens that roll when they try to even just put an IV in or get blood out of me. I wonder how a fistula would be on me. I would like to get a kidney before my PermCath stops working but I have to heal from my upcoming surgery to get my old transplanted kidney taken out because they think that the production of Renin is causing my blood pressure to be as high as it is. It is running between 150/109 - 169/131 with me being on 4 different blood pressure medications. They are thinking that may also be causing my extra fluid build up in my lungs which isn't good especially since I get pneumonia very easily and other lung infections such as Bronchitis.

I haven't worked since the beginning of July since I was in the hospital for that month and then was home for a week and then went back for 2 more weeks as they treated me for my 2nd case of Pneumonia. I decided I wouldn't go back to work until I have recooperated from my next surgery where they take out my kidney. I figure there is no sense going back to work just to have to take more time out. They don't understand how things can go like I have learned that they can. For example, I didn't think that I would be in the hospital for a total of 6 weeks for getting peritonitis. I thought it could be treated successfully at home and then I would continue on Peritoneal Dialysis. But you can never know just how things will go.

After this upcoming surgery I will be able to be active on the transplant list again once I heal. They want my abdomen to be healed before they cut it open to put a kidney in. It only makes sense. I pray that I will get a kidney this year. On Hemo Dialysis I have to really limit my fluids and I am having a hard time with this, especially on the weekends where I go 2 days without dialysis instead of 1. If I have Fluid Overload then I have a very hard time breathing and can't exert any energy and feel very weak and tired. Usually when this happens I end up having the cab driver who drives me to dialysis to come right to my apartment and help me to walk as I am quite a distance from the elevator.

I come across a lot of people who have a very difficult time understanding what is wrong with a young person such as myself. They usually don't think that it is health related and judge me. That no longer bothers me so much. Infact I love to educate on my health since most people don't realize the impact kidneys have on their daily life.

Date Written: Sept 12, 2003.

A lot has changed for me in the last year and I have grown a lot. I had to have yet another surgery .. this time for parathyroid removal, because my calcium was too high. Now it is too low and I have had to go into clinic to have IV Calcium to get my Calcium back up to safe levels. The side effects of calcium being too low are not fun. It feels like electricity is shooting through your fingers and toes and if it is very very low then it can get so bad that you don't feel well at all and feel nauseous. But I have also matured a lot since last year. I am accepting that I might have bad days and that my health comes first. I also appreciate that at least I have dialysis and that I now realize more so just how lucky I was to have a transplant as soon as I did when I had my first one. 2 months! Wow! Now it has been 2.5 years of waiting and I realize that the longer you spend on dialysis the more problems your body can run into. I always thought that as long as you have dialysis that sure you are more tired than if you had a kidney but that is all. Now I realize that dialysis can never take the place of a real kidney. I DO want a transplant. And I know that when the day comes that I got one I will be more appreciative of it than I was the last time as a teenager. I didn't appreciate it as much then. All I saw was that I gained so much weight (which by the way was NOT that much but to a teenaged girl seemed tramatic .. here is a picture of me when I gained the weight from the Prednisone, and so you can get a better idea that I did not end up really fat here is another picture afterwards when I lost the weight). But now as I am older (29) instead of 16, I am not so concerned with my looks as I am with taking care of my health and living. :)

More pictures here:

My first Nephrectomy
Dialysis .. CCPD back in 1990 when the machine was much larger than now (2003). (** Baxter version back then)
My transplant in 1990.
My incision from my transplant (taken right after surgery) in 1990.
The hospital staff in 1990 of Sick Kids Hospital of Toronto, Ontario (Canada).
In 1983 when I was 9 years old in the hospital and they are just finding out what is wrong with me. I am suffering from extremely high blood pressure and pressure behind my eye.
CCPD in present (2003) times (** Fresenius non-IQ version! Now I have the IQ version. The Baxter version is different.)
Peritoneal Dialysis supplies.
CAPD (manual dialysis) .. I was doing this type in 2002.
I went to Kidney Camp as a teen. That was fun. I met others girls like me.
And just last year I went to a Kidney Conference up north in Ottawa Ontario.
I modelled after my transplant. It was my last time but I still looked good considering :P
Typically people who have kidney transplants get moon-face.
Me in 1999. 9 years after my transplant (you can't tell I even had one).

Date Written: Aug 21, 2002.

I read over what I last typed and I couldn't believe how immature I sounded, so I decided to write up an update.

I have been going to counselling, and have been switched to CCPD, Which is like the CAPD except this kind is done at night. It is commonly refferred to as the Cycler. I like it a lot better as it gives me more time and freedom. I can now work more hours at my job and am going to be starting a typing course to help up my typing speed so I can get an office job which I went to College a few years back for. I also am not feeling sorry for myself and don't see myself as so much different than other people. I realize everyone feels insecure and different as I do. I never talked to people on the net before but have started talking to 2 people in particular, which my counsellor has said is a good thing and will help my social skills, and I realized that they are just as insecure as I am. I realize I do not have to be afraid of people like I have been.

As for my health, I've been on dialysis now for 1 year and 3 months now and I have been having trouble with my exit site which seems not to want to heal. When I had a dialysis tube put in before (in 1990), it seemed to heal faster. I guess I just assumed this one would too, but it was put lower and I guess it's not in as good as a spot for me. But other than that, I seem to be doing pretty well. I am happy and I am still working in the job I've had since before I started dialysis. I work at a store in a Hot Deli. There have been hard times with the co-workers, but I have disability there for me if ever any real conflicts arise that I can't handle on my own. But I have handled all on my own so far, because I am trying to be independent.

My counsellor said he thinks I am ready to be put on the transplant list, but now I am not in such a hurry as I used to be. I am the most stable I've been in a long time, so I don't mind staying on this type of dialysis for a bit longer. I know there are lots of people who wait a very long time! At first I saw this as a long time, becuase I got my first kidney only 2 months after starting CAPD. Sure dialysis MIGHT tie me more to home, but not neccessarily. I just have to plan ahead. But the way I see it is right now I can't afford to go anywhere right now anyway (LOL)! :) ...I am just living everyday one at a time.

I know last time I said my mom was being tested to give me a kidney, but it turns out that she can't because she needs both of hers to live healthy for the rest of her own life. That is fine to me because I was worried about her health anyway. I'd rather wait for a kidney from someone who won't need theirs anymore. Someone who is giving and unselfish enough to sign their donar card. I found out I can sign one too. I thought with my health I couldn't, but I was told I can.

Well, there is not much to really say. This isn't really much of an update, but more of me just rambling. Sorry. But I am doing fine! Thank you for all the support from my mother, and my brothers, and please, everyone, pray for those in need of organs, and, even though not related to kidney desease, please pray for my God Mother / Aunt, who is dying from Cancer. Thank you. I just thank God for the health I have and that I have a good long life so far. A lot of people don't. And I pray for them and offer my support in any way I can.

Thank you for reading this. And please, come back again!

Date Written: 2001.

I was sick since I was born but when my mom took me to the doctor over and over again, it was always, "She has the flu" or some cold or something or other. I was always weak, skinny, tired, inactive, and disoriented. At the age of nine I was going blind in one of my eyes and my eye doctor sent me to the hospital. I had extremely high blood pressure which would've even been considered extremely high for any adult. The doctors said I should have had a heart attack or stroke or something. I ended up in ICU too weak to turn over or even talk or even stay awake and aware for much longer than a few seconds.

I was diagnosed with renal failure and told it was too late to save my kidneys. The fuction was slowly killed off by so many infections through the years caused by a reflux problem not being fixed on. I was put on many pills and was in and out of hospital until it was finally time to go on dialysis when I was 16 years old. I was in grade 10. I did not have many friends, being sick and weak, but I had a couple close ones. But at that time my main support was my family. I went on CAPD and went for check ups in Toronto to the Children's Sick Kids' Hospital. School was hard because my principal, Miss Ouellette was not supportive at all and would not give me a room to do my dialysis except for an old locker room which was disqustingly dirty and had a broken vent in the bottom of the door. She said it was either take ir leave it. So I was forced to drop two courses and come home after luch for dialysis and stay home for the rest of the day.

I was lucky because I got a call from Toronto two months later that there was a kidney for me. The call came about 9pm on April 10th, 1990. I got to Toronto (I lived 4 hours away) and had my transplant in the morning April 11th, 1990.

I was not used to or prepared for the side effects of all the immunosuppresent medication and had a hard time dealing with it. My dad kind of made fun of my facial hair, being a girl. I don't think he realized that it hurt my feelings until later when he tried to make it up to me by saying I was his beautiful butterfly who was a furry cattepiller before but now was beautiful and flying (I didn't have energy before). I got real depressed which I guess is a side-effect of Prednisone. But I attribute most of my depression to having a hard time ajusting to all the changes in my life.

I had new energy but my family was used to me not even going outdoors. I wanted to make more friends and go out places. They were so worried about me and wanted to keep me under their wing. I joined and innocent band (through the Canadian Conservatory of Music) with mostly guys and we went to the States to compete against other bands but I got into partying and just trying to be "Normal".

I always felt like it was some hard task but one I had to achieve. That I had to strive to be like everyoone else because I was "not Normal". I tried so hard to experience everything and to learn and make up for lost time. I was fully aware of the fact that everyone saw me as the "sick girl" who was shy and would never do anything outragious. I wanted to explore life! I had this huge yurning!

It got to the point where my mom couldn't handle me any more and told me that if I wanted to hang out with my friends more than family then why don't I go live with them. So I said fine and left. It was a Friday morning before school. I told my brothers I would not be coming back and they said, "Ya, right". I slept on a friend's floor that night and the week after that i stayed at a cop's house. After that a friend got me a place with his old landlord for a few months.

During this time I got even more depressed since I was so used to being taken care of. I didn't know how to fend for myself. And I was not used to being alone. I clug onto this guy I met who was terrible to me. After my tranplant I had gained weight from the Prednisone (30 lbs. in 30 days!!) and so I had terrible stretchmarks down past my knees and around my hips. He told me he kept cheating on me because he couldn't stand how I looked with all the marks. I became very self-conscious about my looks and more depressed. I had stopped going to London hospital (I was switched to London once I turned 18) because I couldn't affrod to go. I was not on disability because my mom had taken me off of it befoer kicking me out fully expecting to take care of me herself for the rest of my life. But at this same time she and my dad were having problems similar to what I was having with my boyfriend but for different reasons (my mom is beautiful).

It took awhile but here I am, 11.5 years after my tranplant and back on CAPD. I started CAPD May 2nd of this year (2001). last November I was very tired and weak and went to see my Nephrologist. I hadn't been seeing him often enough because I was in a very important job that I was trying too hard at because they were judging me all along on my health and I needed the money too badly and it was 12 hour shifts that left time for nothing else for me. But when I went to the doctor I had to have a blood trasfusion and IV Iron because my Hemoglobin had dropped to 66! I was so waek that I was unable to even shovel my driveway to get my car out to get to my appointments and I felt stupid, -- a grown adult but still young, and supposed to be healthy. I started crying and went into the house before the neighbours could see. I managed to make little pathways for my tires so I could get my tires out since none of my house mates were home and I had to go to the doctors!

Now I have to go for counselling before I can get my transplant but I've had to cancel twice and now they won't give me a new one! I have to call and hope for a cancelled appointment that I can take over. the first time I cancelled my car broke down and I couldn't find the number in the phone book and the second time my boss woudn't give me that day off. I now work at a job where I only have short shifts but they are not very supportive of my health either and a co-worker even suggested that I be fired because what good am I like this? My availability is much to be disired!! But they won't give me the time to do my dialysis without docking my hours more (we're only allowed a strict 1/2 hour for lunch, not a minute more) and I'd have to go home to do it because even their washroom isn't addiquate as it is like the movie theater in my city where there's no doors but a wall that you walk around to get into the washroom and it's open to the public.

But the good news is my mom and I talk now and she is being tested to give her kidney to me. I worry though about the future and wouldn't have minded being on the waiting list again instead. I have a poppular blood type (Type O pos) and last time I only had to wait two months! But my mom insists on "giving me life twice", as she p